Pearl by Friction

Perfection is not achieveable. My capacity for forgivness is high. I’d much rather be in the position of being hurt than hurting someone else, for that reason. I am only human. I act on my emotions. I feel helpless. Unable to control this situation. It’s driving me MAD. I must feel in control or I lose all sense of reality. As if I am staring up while I am hanging upside down. Truth is I have my own issues. Truth is there is no perfection in this life of deception. Lost in emotion eruption in confusion. It feels like it’s all an illusion. False sense of existence. Like life is passing me by minute by minute. All I can do is turn it to the Lord above for if I try so hard to control my own life I will fail. I will fall. I have fallen in my loss of control. My attempt to pick up the pieces has failed. I am left with a sense of uncertainty as to what is going to happen next. Uncertainty creates a deep fear in me. It’s within the realm of commitment that uncertainty comes. The feelings come so quick. With such ease. It’s these feelings I know so well. iN fact I know them so well lit might seem I create these situations in my life to help me find these feelings once again. In the past I’d work so hard to escape them. I’d search for the portal of release. A sexual experience. A smoking substance. A drink or 5. Now all I can do is sit. Sit with my emotions. Cry to release them and feel more than I have ever felt before. It hurts so good. It hurts so deep. It feels real finally. A sense that I am alive. Not a frozen zombie numb to the truths of reality. I have the ability to live in the now. Moment by moment being grateful for all that I experience with every smell every taste every thing I can see with mine own eyes help me find the gratitude in life. Where else would I be, if I were not living in a moment of forgiveness, understanding, gratitude. I would be living in Fear. Fear of the unknown fear of lack of control fear of judgement by man. These fears are false. They are to be removed forever. I release you. You have served your purpose here. I accept your lessons. I chose a different path. One not tread with so many footsteps that can be seen. One blank slate to travel with my own two feet.