You are the drug that I have tried to fight.
Your addictive qualities call me from a far.
I make the decision to indulge myself once again.
In this case it's justified.
Yet deep down in my heart there is always a place that tells me not to escape into your sweet existence.
It doesn't feel like I am using because the connection between us has an undercurrent of affection. A love I haven't felt before. Deep and Accepting.
Yet we disagree my drug and I. We don't see eye to eye on things that are important in life.
I revel in the moments I've spent with this addiction.
Enjoy them. Appreciate them. My eyes are opened to a new experience of myself.
Feeling you inside me I lose all sense of reality. It's the reason for my addiction. Our magnetism keeps me coming back.
There are times when I fight and there are times when I give in. I have no regrets due to the amount of knowledge of myself I gain in my abandoning.
My addiction doesn't judge me, but takes me as I am.
Slowly transforming me into a person who accepts him just as he is.
Although I can accept and Love him.
It doesn't mean I should give in to my desire. What I want is to let go of my desire.
However, the extent of how long I will give way to my addiction is unknown.
There are times when I want to make my addiction feel as I have felt it's made me feel. Then I don't give my addiction what it wants. I am stricken by grief in these moments of denial. Desiring my drug to want me as much as I want him.
Yet I feel deep inside my core that it could have me or it could leave me. At times I feel the same. Then again at other times I feel without him I wouldn't be fulfilled.
So I return to hold my drug close, hoping he will feel for me what I've felt for him.
It's a tossing and turning of emotions. Desire vs. Rejection. I will one day overcome this addiction. Until then, I enjoy the times I am able to be lost in his sweet existence.
Robert Frost:
The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.