My Heart. It hurts. Then it bleeds. It bleeds to be known.
I am forever in a state of confusion. My mind goes up and down and all around. Looking searching for this thing we call Love. I have it for myself now finally. I think. I am not certain of most things but of only the Love my Father has for me.
I continue to sin against that which I know I should do. It's not fair to me.
It's not fair to you. Who are you anyway? Who am I but a person desiring to be desired.
If it's not hopeless I will continue. If it is then I wont and I can't for being drained of my heart leaves it empty yet heavy. Once filled with desire and hope left in a state of wanting and despair. I love those nights spent. What be the result I do not know but I no longer care for I enjoy the present times. I can no longer be an analytical being driving myself mad. It kills my being and kills the enjoyment I had. Deadly intoxication. The intoxication I try to run from but sucks me back in. Oh how I am wrapped up in it all, I just wait for the fall, though it's already happened. I've fallen and risen. I'll do it once more. Beware of the closing door.
Though once you seek me out I am there. Without a thought I come to your side. Being all that you desire, trying to hide. I fail at hiding how I truly feel, for in your presence I feel things are so real. Truth. My desires expressed in my state of sexual lusting. It's what I know. It's who I was. It's still a part of me I can't seem to let go of. I want to keep it.